


if you ever need someone to hold you

by Jamith



Series: i will be there [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Character Death, City of Light, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:58:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6090841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamith/pseuds/Jamith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa is gone, and Clarke can't deal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you ever need someone to hold you

It happens one night by accident. She’s been avoiding sleep for this exact reason, but it finally catches up with her after a week of sleep deprivation. The last thing Clarke remembers before drifting off is the flickering flames of a funeral pyre. Lexa’s fight is over, but Clarke’s is just beginning.

The next second she opens her eyes she is standing in the familiar plaza. There are people milling about. Strangers and people she used to know. It’s disorientating. Until she sees her. Everything else seems to disappear as blue eyes meet green.

And she’s smiling. Lexa is dead, but here she is smiling. No longer covered in her own blood like the last time Clarke laid eyes on her.

“I thought you would never show up.”

“I tried really hard not to.” Clarke cannot resist the urge to move closer, to be in Lexa’s space again. To breathe her in. She craves the strength that only the other woman can give her. 

“I know you did.” Lexa’s hand reaches up to cup her face, her fingers ghosting over her jawline. 

And she feels it. She feels it in the warmth that spreads through her entire body. Clarke had given up on feeling anything but ice cold and numb. 

She’s sitting up in bed, staring into brown eyes that decidedly did not belong to Lexa.

“What the fuck, Raven?” Clarke lashes out, pushing the girl away more forcefully than intended. 

Raven knows she’s hurting, so the fire in her eyes dies almost immediately. It's replaced with concern. Clarke hasn't been the same since they won the war. But at least she's here, she hasn't run away again. At least not physically. Her mental state on the other hand. She's been a ghost, almost literally. She doesn't eat, she doesn't talk, she doesn't sleep. Raven honestly wouldn't be surprised if Clarke could walk through walls. 

“You were crying. I thought it was another nightmare.”

“I saw her. And you ruined it!” the force of Clarke’s words pushed her back on her heels.

“Clarke…”

Through clenched teeth Clarke orders her out of her quarters.

The second time is deliberate. After another week of wandering around camp lost she locks herself in her room, making sure no one can disturb her.

Lexa is there again, standing in the same spot she was in when Clarke disappeared a week ago. At least it was a week for her, she wasn’t sure how time worked in a place like the City of Light.

And she’s smiling. It's what Clarke sees every time she closes her eyes for the briefest of seconds. In the real world. The real world.

But this is not the real world. She's not even sure what this is. She doesn't care anymore. All that she cares about is that Lexa is standing right in front of her. She doesn’t care about her people. What’s left of them anyway. It’s not enough. It will never be enough.

And she’s frowning. It is a look Clarke has seen more often than the smile. That beautiful smile. 

“What’s wrong?” Clarke reaches for Lexa this time. Her anchor. Her safe space. Safer than the City itself. 

“You can not stay here. It is not your time.” Lexa knows what she’s thinking. That she never wants to leave this place again. She doesn’t want the green of Earth anymore. It was breathtaking when she first walked off of that drop ship almost a year ago. She wants the green of Lexa’s eyes. The green that breathed life into her again. 

“I decide whether it’s my time or not.”

“Clarke.” it’s not a question, or a simple statement. It’s a command. 

Clarke almost laughs. It’s a command from The Commander. Only she doesn’t command anything anymore. Aden does. Aden, who is barely a man. Now he leads his people. Her people. 

“He’s going to need you.” It’s as if Lexa can read her thoughts. And, shit, maybe she can. Here. 

“What about me?” Clarke doesn’t even try to stop the tears, and Lexa does not hesitate to brush them away, “I need you.”

Lexa smiles again, softer than before, “And you have me. But you cannot stay here forever. When your time comes we will have an eternity.” 

This time there are no brown eyes replacing green. Just a cold, steel ceiling above her. Tears still stream silently down her cheeks. And she's smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea just would not leave me, so here you are. I'm also apparently a glutton for punishment and this is what happens when I spend too much time reading heartbreaking fic.
> 
> So, this may become part of a series in which Clarke visits the C of L on the reg.


End file.
